Convo

 The other day I had a conversation with a colleague, we talked about kids. How the society defines if a kid is ready to go to school. When they can make a pattern and repeat it! 

But we forget to tell them that not everything has to be a pattern or perfect, no you don’t need a ruler to make lines on paper. Remember to make something ugly and strange. Use all the colors not just the “pretty” ones. 

I don’t know why, but it broke my heart. I see so many kids, loosing their imagination. They don’t know what to do, or how to play. They lean into the safety of repeating them selves each day, either playing the same ball game or filling out coloring sheets. 

I encourage drawing on your own, and aim to be an example, I’m not the most skilled drawer, but I like it and it makes me happy. We talk a lot when we sit at the table, drawing together, it’s here we are having a good time, I love that, seeing what they create,  encouraging them to draw more and be bold about it. 

But at the end of the day what does it matter? All they really want is to go home and play games. 

But how do  we create a community, where kids want to chip in and be a part of it? Not bringing everything they make home, but building something together, we can use together? Not necessarily something huge, maybe just a cardboard city for everyone to play with. And in that process seeing each others strengths, some are crazy good at gluing, others are great architects, some are skilled painters and others are good at weaving little blankets or making trees and furniture. I mean it seems simple, but the process of getting kids to interact and be a part of it, when they don’t get to take it home! Oh my lord! 

It’s just a big NO. If it’s not for them selves, they are not interested. That is heartbreaking.

From the top of my head

Way too often,  I find my mind and feelings all tangled up, like a ball of  yarn, left for a playful kitten to play with. A big mess and it’s so hard to find the beginning or end of the string, and I’m tempted to cut through the whole thing. 

Not really possible, but if I only could find the freaking start! And then sometimes things add up, or that’s not quite true, sometimes small glimpses of  realization comes though . 

I always thought I was restless, what if it isn’t restlessness but rootless? Think about it, they are so related, but restlessness is a legal feeling, I’m restless, is way more safe to say than I’m feeling rootless. Restlessness is my own problem, where rootlessness is the fact that somewhere in my past I cut my own roots because I had to leave a n environment I couldn’t thrive in. 

I never thought of this until today where I read my new garden book and started rewatching chef’s table and made a horrible discovery in my daughter’s desk drawer. 

I grew up in the countryside, spending a lot of time at my grandparents, seeing their garden grow and thrive, helping my grandmother cook or bake.  I loved every moment of it, remembering how there was stamped walking paths in the garden, my grandfather’s vegetables and berries and my grandmother’s flowers.  A true old school garden, and not like the ones I seen now. But this new book refreshed my memory of it. I bought it because I’m fascinated by urban gardening and want to improve my own skills in this direction. 

Growing even more herbs and vegetables, for the cooking I really love doing. All the time spend I the kitchen as a kid, made me a grow up who shows my love through food and baked goods. 

Now I live in the city, and i love it here, but I’m longing for a piece of silk to call my own, to grow fruit, vegetables, berries and flowers, and by doing that growing my own roots, new roots, healthy ones. 

And hopefully my kids will benefit from my growth, and start growing their own roots, the right places in life. Not that repotting isn’t a good thing, it is, but it has to be at the right time and into a better pot. 

And then why don’t I just move out of the city? Because the very thought scares the shit out of me! 

So now I’m beginning my rooting journey here in my current place, which is also my safe space. 

Never promised anything from my head would make sense, but maybe writing these things down, helps me untangle the mess?